Week 3- first draft activities

Today, my students bring in their first drafts of the first part of their first essay - whew.  To set up a directed self-review activity, I will distribute this exercise first, then move on to direct a similar review of their own work.  For the next class session, they will return with revised drafts and we will do peer review at that point. 

This exercise is cobbled together from a previous student draft.

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Professor Lisa Alvarez

February 2, 2009

WR 201- draft 1 of essay 1

The Backseat 

At first it was spacious and then, over the years, it seemed to grow smaller as I grew bigger. In the beginning, my feet did not touch the floor and I could not manage to open the windows or doors. I was trapped until someone bigger let me out.

Initially, I was alone but as the years passed, first one sister then another joined me, one wedged on each side, all of us strapped tightly in before our father or mother agreed to turn on the ignition. During the summer my exposed legs stuck to the vinyl-like seat covering and if I dreaded getting in, I dreaded getting out more because I had to peel my bare thighs from the hot sweaty seat. The seat was upholstered in a pale blue, a half fabric, half plastic-like fabric. Crumbs from countless numbers of snacks crept into the corners, potato chips, tortillas chips, anything fried and salted. It was a cheap car, the only one we could afford and I knew I would spend my childhood in it.

I spent more hours back there bored by my sisters or bored by my parents or both than I care to count. I'd look out the window in a trance imagining other places I wanted to be. But the back seat was also the place where I learned so much as I watched my parents navigate not only the roads and freeways but also life. As first one sister than another fell asleep and slumped next to me, my parents would begin to talk, imagining all of us sleeping unable to hear what they said.



1) What kind of attitude does the writer have about the chosen subject? What words or details reinforce this attitude?



2) Notice how the writer uses specific details and sensory description. Choose one sentence that shows the writer using detail and description at its best. Underline this sentence and be prepared to share.



3) Choose two-three sentences that could benefit from the addition of specific detail and sensory description. Circle these sentences.



4) Consider the unadorned nouns the writer uses: floor, windows, doors, summer, seat, snacks, childhood, hours, window, places, seat, roads, freeways, life, sister… Work your way through the draft, pausing at these mostly unadorned nouns and add adjectives that will help reinforce the impression the writer is building.



5) Look for 2-3 places where the writer could add one more sentence. Mark these with an >.



6) Finally, notice how the final sentences act as a bridge to the second part of the assignment. Where do you think the writer is going with this? Do we need to know more at this point or not?

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